Bad Catholic Schoolgirls: The Masturbation Proclamation

AG = Awesome Gorgeous' lyrics
ST = Special T's lyrics

st:
hey, how y'all doin' today
special t here and i got somethin to say
i'll get straight to the point - i love masturbation
the hand solo is the dance that's taking the nation
ag:
by storm, had my hand on my cock since birth
the greatest pleasures on the face of the earth
are not learned in the classroom or found on the street
everything i know i learned while poundin my meat
st:
damn right, and we don't leave anybody guessin
we're comin straight with this one and you're wishin
we kept our mouths shut
ag:
but its a serious matter
nothin makes a heart pitter patter like stirrin the baby batter
st:
don't act like you're different, everybody's doin it
i'm at my best when i'm strokin off and spewin it
ag:
half the time when i write these rhymes i got
one hand on the pen and one on my divining rod


chorus:
everybody in the house (hell yea)
y'all with me now? (hell yea)
alright - now drop trou (hell yea)
everybody whip ya shit out
everybody in the house (hell yea)
y'all with me now? (hell yea)
alright - now drop trou (hell yea)
everybody whip ya shit out

st:
here i go again on my own, me and my whitesnake
playin with my meatwad but they call me master shake
ag
let's talk about feelings
st
my chili i'm peeling
layin on my bed and stuccoing the ceiling
ag
it's so fuckin hard these days to get any play
if girls were potato chips, they'd be frito lay
but once i pop i can't stop, can't have just one
st
i average like 10 times a day (shit son)
i beat off when i'm in bed, then again when i get up
then in the shower, and again when i get on the bus
and at the back of the classroom, hand on my sack
ag
whackin off is more addicting than crack
let me introduce you to my left and right hands
the organ grinder and the pocket fisherman
st
my hands are always shakin, but i'm not nervous
i'm not a gas station but i am self service


(chorus)

ag
all i ever wanna do is get off
today's special: i recommend the beef strokinoff
special t - man what you up to tonight?
st
breakin out the oils, the candles, the barry white
sorry man, i'm havin a party of one
ag
that's cool dude, sounds like a lotta fun
to use the term literally "that's whack shit"
paper or plastic?
st
my waistband's elastic
makes for easy access when i wanna jack it
ag
sometimes i prefer the sleeve of my jacket
stand back kid
st
i'm about to explode
for a little guy i pack a pretty big load
ag
DIY is what we all about
st
i dont give a fuck i'll pull it out on your couch
does everybody know what time it is?
ag
tool time!
st
oops, already dropped the jizz
ag
man you got the weirdest cock i ever saw
st
but only because i been rubbin it raw


(chorus)