Billy Childish: I Am The Strange Hero Of Hunger

i am the strange hero of hunger
my girlfriend lives
on the other side of the world
and
has
started
reading
crime and punishment
by Fyodor Dostoevsky

do you recognise the main character?
i ask her excitedly
- doesn't he remind you of me?

-i've only just begun
she answers
whats his name?

-Rodya
but all the characters
have about 3 different names
i always get confused
and
cant tell who is who
because i'm dyslexic and don't make sounds for the names
but Rodya is for short
and
his sister is called Runya
isn't Dunya a beautiful name?
if little huddie had been born a girl
we would of named her
Dunya
when I talk of the buti
of girls names
or the strange bravery
of artists
or see
the lite change
over sea
and sky
every second impossible showers of
gold
turning to terrible hues of purple
and
black
and
my
hart rate quickens
because
i am amongst
my
own
people

i am
the hero of all my favourite novels
i live in them
and they
live in me
i am Arturo Bandini
on angels flight
swearing at a beautiful dark haired girl
in tattered shoes
i am Rodya
guilty of a terrible and senseless murder
on the streets of St Petersburg
i am the strange hero of hunger
starving to spite myself in Christiana
i am Johan Nagel
tormentor of the midget
and suicide
i am Ishmail
knocker off of tall hats
i am every novelist
and
every character ever dreamed
i am everyone of my favorite artists
and
i feel myself not one jot less
but equell to all of them
Turner
Munch
Holbine
and
Hokusi

naturally I have no heros
i am my heros
i am my brothers
and sisters
i feel myself joined by the soul
with all buti
my hart sings with every brave endevor
with the strange wings of impossible butterflys
with every rock that breaths life into the world

i stand shoulder to shoulder with
all denouncers of meaness
i honour spirit and faith
and I uphold the glorious amiture
i am in love with desperate men
with desperate hands
walking in 2nd hand shoes
searching for god
and
hearing god
and hating god
i am a desperate man buckled with fear
i am a desperate man who demands to be listend to
who demands to connect
i am a desperate man who denounces the dullness of
money
and status
i am a desperate man will not bow down to acolayed or
success
i am a desperate man who loves the simplicity of painting
and hates gallarys and white walls and the dealers in art
who loves unreasonableness
and hot headedness
who loves contradiction
hates publishing houses
and
also I am Vincent Van Gogh
Hiroshige
and every living breathing artist
who dares to draw god
on this planet