Colleen Ballinger: ​​hi. (Toxic Gossip Train)

Hey
It's been a while since you saw my face
I haven't been doing so great
So I took a little break
A lot of people are saying some things about me that aren't quite true
Doesn't matter if it's true, though
Just as long as it's entertaining to you, right?
You guys having fun?

All aboard the toxic gossip train
Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
The toxic gossip train
You got a one-way ticket to manipulation station
Toxic gossip train
Tie me to the tracks and harass me for my past
Those rumors look like facts if you don't mind the gaps
I won't survive in the crash, but hey
At least you're havin' fun

Uh, hi, everyone
I've been wanting to come online and talk to you about a few things
Um, even though my team has strongly advised me to not say what I want to say
I recently realized that they never said that I couldn't sing what I wanna say, so
Here I am, and, um, today I only wanna talk about the facts
So, I hope that you'll be willing to listen
Here we go
Many years ago, I used to message my fans
Uh, but not in a creepy way like a lot of you are trying to suggest
It was more of a loser kind of way
Where I was just trying to be besties with everybody
It was kinda like, uh, when you go to like a family gathering, you know?
And there's a weird aunt there who keeps coming up to you and going like "Hey, girl, what's the tea?"
And you're like "Eh"
Um, that was me, but in group chats with my fans, it was weird

I've been sharing my life online for over 15 years
I've poured my heart out to you and because of that I feel
Like I'm talking to my friends, but, in the beginning of my career
I didn't really understand that maybe there should be some boundaries there
There were times in the DMs when I would overshare
Details of my life, which was really weird of me
I haven't done that for years, you see
Because I changed my behavior, and I took accountability

But that's not very interesting, is it?

So let's go on the toxic gossip train
The locomotive's fueled with hateful accusations
The toxic gossip train
Steamroll over someone's reputation
Toxic gossip train
Hop on board, but close your eyes, otherwise you'll realize
That the train is made of lies and that person you despise
Maybe didn't deserve to die
But hey, at least you're havin' fun

In all seriousness, I do think it's really important to hold people accountable for their mistakes
Um, y'know, we should hope that everyone can learn from their mistakes
And grow, and change their behavior, and be a better person
This is something that I've always tried to do when I make mistakes
And is something that I will continue to try t- what?
Oh, you don't care? Oh, okay

I thought you wanted me to take accountability
But that's not the point of your mob mentality, is it? No
Your goal is to ruin the life of the person you despise
While you dramatize your lies and monetize their demise

Yeah, um, I feel like I can already hear the comments on this video
"She's gaslighting, manipulating!"
"Ugh, she's a narcissist and a rat!"
"I would never make a mistake like that."

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize
That all of you are perfect, so please, criticize me
Bring out the daggers made from your perfect past
And stab me repeatedly in my bony little back
I'm sure you're disappointed in my shitty little song
I know that you wanted me to say that I was 100% in the wrong
Well, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna take that route
Of admitting to lies and rumors that you made up for clout

"Hey everybody, I found someone new to harass
She did some things that I do not like, in her past
So everybody, gather 'round, 'cause we're about to attack"
But not based on facts, oh no
Your loaded lethal weapon is your fingers on the keys
You don't need any armor when you can hide behind a screen
So, shoot me down, quick, with a click, and bam
My reputation's deceased

Uh, I also wanted to take a minute to talk about that girl, Miranda Sings
You know the one, yeah her
Uh, she's PG-13, it says that on my website

And it's always been that way
And that's why you won't find my videos on the YouTube Kids app
Anyway, um, I didn't realize it was my responsibility
To decide what was appropriate for every kid to see
I've always relied on parents to decide if they're comfortable
With their families watching my YouTube videos or coming to my live shows
Now, have I made some jokes in poor taste? Yes
Have I made lots of dumb mistakes? Yes
Am I sad that there's some fans that feel betrayed? Yes
But was my intention to manipulate? No

It doesn't really matter what my intention was
'Cause it seems as though everyone's already decided on that
Let me tell you, it's not very fun to have millions of people all over the world
Call you the most vile, horrendous, disgusting, life-ruining words
That a person can be called, in my opinion
Um, it doesn't matter that these things aren't true
Uh, everyone just believes that you are the type of person who manipulates and abuses children
So, I just wanted to say that, um
The only thing that I've ever groomed is my two Persian cats
I'm not a groomer, I'm just a loser

Who didn't understand I shouldn't respond to fans
And I'm not a predator even though a lot of you think so
Because 5 years ago, I made a fart joke
So, even though I know this video won't change anyone's mind about me
I still felt it was important to come on here and defend myself a little
And take accountability
And I also wanted to say that
To anyone out there who has ever supported me in any capacity

I really, really appreciate you, thank you
For what it's worth, I never had any bad intentions
But I do feel like shit

The toxic gossip train
Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
Toxic gossip train
You got a one way ticket to manipulation station
Toxic gossip train
You tied me to the tracks and harassed me for my past
Rumors look like facts when you don't mind the gaps
I won't survive in the crash, but hey
Hope you had some fun

Actually, y'know, I feel like maybe I should let you guys know something, um
Seems like, maybe you're confused about something? I don't know
Let me try to help, um

Sometimes people make a mistake and it doesn't make them a horrible person, whoa
Sometimes people can make a mistake and they're still a good person
Crazy, I know
Sometimes people can make a mistake and you don't have to take that mistake, oh no
And twist it up, and grind it, and add some lies to it, and pulverize it
And stab it with knives, and ruin a life, and, oh no
Sometimes people can make a mistake, it doesn't mean you gotta send them hate, oh no
Sometimes people can make a mistake and you can kindly let them know, and help them to grow
Sometimes people make mistakes, simply because they made a mistake?
And that mistake doesn't make them a terrible human
It just makes them a human

But what do I know?
Fuck me, right?