Andrew Lloyd Webber: Mungojerrie And Rumpelteazer

The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mister Mistoffelees' Conjuring Turn
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick - change comedians
Tight - rope walkers and acrobats
They had an extensive reputation, made their home in Victoria Grove
That was merely their center of operation for they were incurably given to rove
If the area window was found ajar and the basement looked like a field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof which presently ceased to be waterproof
If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests
And you couldn't find one of your winter vests
Or after supper one of the girls suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls
Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time they left it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had an unusual gift of the gab
They were highly efficient cat burglars as well and remarkably smart at a smash and grab
They made their home in Victoria Grove, they had no regular occupation
They were plausible fellows who liked to engage a friendly policeman in conversation
When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on
Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow
The joint has gone from the oven like that!"
Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time they left it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck and some of the time you would say it was weather
They'd go through the house like a hurricane and no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer? Or could you have sworn that it might have been both?
When you heard a dining room smash or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming
Then the family would say: "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer and there's nothing at all to be done about that"