Caskey: DIXIE

You know that i am sorry momma
i never meant to hurt you
i never meant to make you cry
i only wanna see you smile

Growing up wasn’t the kid they believed would prosper
Back when dad was gettin scrips from a crooked doctor
Back when I was reading scrips from the book of vodka
I used to keep half a zip in my student locker

Older sis was expelled went to school at xl
With all the other bad kids it made it hard to excel
I was 15 was Ben taught me how to inhale
Stopped praying then cuz I was used to living in hell
Burnt like sage but I wasn’t on an Indian trail
Before we ever went to jail was getting plenty of bales
Back before your favorite rappers album lyrics were stale
I kept my clientele small outta fear they would tell
I use to run with the drug dealers felt like they was big brothers
After pops died I had to eat so I skipped supper
Bumper car love between us there’s a big buffer
Running from ur own pain just made your kid suffer
Leaving my crib went on a comma chase
Never justified the tears put on my momma face
I swear she cried for a year straight
Trying to hold the family together but my hands were like clear tape
easy to break
Straight face cuz a smile wasn’t easy to fake
And mistakes were a dime a dozen easy to make
But this pill bottle felt like concrete it wasn’t easy to shake

Sorry momma
i never meant to hurt you
i never meant to make you cry i only wanna see you smile

I saw the look of fear was overtaking my moms when I got signed to Birdman
The studio full of dons
And drugs piled next to the interface intercom
Second guessing what type of person I would become
She had a skepticism that wasn’t easily won
From growing up ina trailer and getting beat like a drum
Alcoholic parents abusing her like it’s fun
They died never even acknowledging what they’d done
And then she met my pops her fate was already spun
He moved her up out the trailer and that was where they begun
Changed her life gave her a daughter then had a son
Vowed to keep her safe cuz she had no where she could run
And then one day after the smoke had filled up his lungs
He lost half his hands at work in an accident
Got introduced to the OxyContin to Numb
Then started getting high with my sister my mom was done
Realizing that he had lost it all he was stunned
The heaviness of his sins was weighing on him a ton
4/20 I left to school to roll me a blunt
He went upstairs said his goodbye with a smoking gun
See me and drugs got such a painful way we entangled
We try to dance around with the devil and twist our ankles
I try to take a look at my life from different angles
But seems like everybody I love leave me for Angeles
For making music and having fans I’m more than thankful
I toured around the country got reasons I should be grateful
But every time I did drugs with em I felt shameful
Knowing it’s the reason my momma suffer
Losing everybody that she love to downward and uppers
Never strong enough to kick it for her I gotta be tougher
Vowed to never take u thru the rain or ever end up the same before I die u gonna be proud of me mother

i love you.