Cledus T. Judd: Please Take The Girl

(Larry Johnson/Craig Martin/Cledus T. Judd)

Arnie's Daddy said he'd take him fishin',
If he'd just dig the bait.
He said: "Get lost, Dad, I'm watchin' mud wrestling,
"Go jump in the lake.
"Why don't you take that neighbour girl?
"The one that favours our dog."
His dad said: "Son, she might sink the boat,
"She weighs more than our hog."
And Arnie said:

"She's got a tackle box that you'd kill for,
"A ZebCo rod and reel.
"She won the Junior Bass Masters Tourney,
"And I just ate oatmeal,
"And I'm afraid I might hurl.
"Daddy, please, please take the girl."

Same limey boy, same large girl,
Eleven years with no date.
They finally married when they both realised,
They'd get a big tax break.
One night at the Laundrymat,
Washin' underwear.
A stranger pulled a water-gun;
Arnie soiled another pair, (Whoops.)
And whimpered:

Ain't got no money, in my wallet.
She's got the credit cards.
But they're all run up over the limit,
Won't get you very far.
And though her hair's up in curls, and she looks like Milton Burle,
She ain't wearin' fake pearls,
Mister please, please, please take the girl.

Well she ain't bad when she gets a couple of coats of that cold
cream on her, and a sack over her head.

A toothless Arnie, a whale of a woman,
Forty years down the tune.
One day they found him with a shotgun,
Buck-naked on the roof.
Doctor's said: "He's lost his mind,
"We'll have to take him away." (No o o o!)
As they strapped that straight jacket on him,
Someone heard him say -- he babled out loud:

If you'd lived with her, long as I have,
You'd be slap crazy too.
She's the one that's really a psycho,
More than a few screws loose.
She's nutty as a squirrel;
Doctor, please, please take the girl.

Get her outta here!

Arnie's Daddy said he'd take him fishin',
If he'd just dig the bait.
Is it Tim McGraw or John Anderson,
I'm trying to imitate?

I'm sorry Tim!