Doug Anthony All Stars: Broad Lic Nic

It's a broad lick nicht and I'll tell you while I'm able
Or I'll smash your skull if you don't drink enough Black Label
It's a hard man's drink and though the bottle's broken
Put your money on the table, strain the glass through your teeth
We grew up lean, mean, kings of the street scene
Without a mother's guiding hand to keep us clean
Down your rum, we'll take life as it comes
And all you blue rinse critics lick our literary bums

I drank my first pure malt before I was three
Smoked a pack of Dutch cigarettes my pappy left for me
And I romanced a little lass who was twelve years my elder
At the age of six I held her
That year I also bed her
So before I was seven
My first child was born
I told a pack of filthy lies as a politician
Heard my own confession as act of contrition
I spent ten years as a Trappist monk in a village in Tibet
And I walked up Everest naked just to win a bet

Well I cut off my leg to win a one legged race
And when I won I stitched it on my little sister's stomach
I fought Mohammed Ali, I've seduced Mata Hari
I've even worn a sari when I impersonated Gandhi
And I dare any man here to call me a liar
But I swear I've seen Ezekiel, I swear I've seen Isaiah
Toasting marshmallows in Beelzebub's fire

And we're mad, bad, dangerous to know
We never gave a tinker's cuss about the seeds we'd sow
And we stay up late and never be forlorn
And when the morning comes around we'll kiss the crack of dawn
We took the wax from Kerouacs and dusty Dostoevskys
And when all was said and done booze was all I had left me
For all the world's great thinkers are all a load of pus
And if you asked how Zarathustra spoke, he spoke thus:

Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink until you're drunk
Drink until you can't stand up
Till you're roly poly stung
Till your bladder bursts, till you throw up fit to burst
Till they lift you up still comatose and slam you in the hearse

And we're good, bad, ugly as sin
We mixed up cough syrup with our gin
So take your medicine
I pray that when I die
There'll be someone else around to kiss my arse goodbye
Yes I pray, I pray, I pray that when I die
There'll be someone else around to kiss my arse goodbye