Kris Kristofferson: Rescue mission

The captain touched his swagger stick Up to his golden eye And boogied through the vestibule While bidding us goodbye The enemy surrounds us And our spirits almost gone The Devil take the cavalry That sold us for a song There's Chi-Chi's on the starboard, lads And Chi-Chi's in the stern And hashish in the hookah pipes And bonny grass to burn Our mission is a secret But we're fool enough to try We'll sail the bloody ocean, boys Or drink the bastard dry "If I'd've been a carpenter," the swarthy sergeant said "I'd never seen this ugly thing That hangs above my head The hell with all your heros And the wounds they hope to show I'm just a simple soldier, son With one more year to go" The Albatross was tiring And the cook was in a stew The filthy little cabin boy Was whizzing in my shoe The Captain's wife was aging And the first mate heard her scream When Tommy slipped tabasco in the Captain's vaseline "Our time will soon be gone," he said "It's all we've left to lose We've shot our ammunition And we're all but out of booze So here's to Irma Donegal Here's to Nellie Blye And here's to my old friend," he said And kissed his ass goodbye "Give off! give off! You sorry lot. Give off!," the Captain cried "we've lost our bloody anchor And we're driftin' with the tide The swollen surf is pounding Like a thousand cannons roar And I shake the hand of any man Who guides us into shore." "We're saved! We're saved!" The soldiers said "We're saved!," the sailors cried And soldiers climbed aboard While sailors left from either side Some swabbies hit the minefield and The rifles got the rest And somewhere there's a schooner Sinkin' slowly in the west