Slapp Happy: Everybody's Slimmin'

Listen my children and you will hear
You can shed weight and still drink beer

(chorus) Oh how? Oh won't you tell us?

It's better with a friend but you can do it alone
Just slapp a happy platter on the gramophone
Stroke the air like you're buttering toast
Shake you yamma yamma like you're humping a ghost.

(chorus) We caress the air like we're buttering toast
Shake our yamma yammas like we're humping a ghost.

Now after tick tock twenty-two seconds of that
You're already many less calories fat

(chorus) After tick tock twenty-two seconds of that
We're already many less calories fat
And that's a fact.

Trim you
We're gonna tone you
We're gonna slim you
We're gonna hone you down

You don't notice 'cos you're having a gas
But as your body's working it diminishes in mass
Eat light that's right
You can see the fat evaporate into the night

(chorus) We can see the fat evaporate into the night

Some go slimming in swimming pools
And some stay slim in slums
The guys don't wanna be called tubbettes
Nor the girls called thunderbuns

Stretch 2 3 4
Bend 2 3 4
Take a deep breath
And touch your toes
Twist 2 3 4
Reach 2 3 4
Exercise to the radio

Now let's turn the clock way back
When it did not matter if you were fat
They'd glut on butter, they didn't eat marge
They bought their clothing extra-large.
For them of course it's now too late
Let's bring the clock back up to date.

(chorus) Oh how? Oh won't you tell us?

It's better with a friend but you can do it alone
Just slapp a happy platter on the gramophone
Stroke the air like you're buttering toast
Shake you yamma yamma like you're humping a ghost.

(chorus) We caress the air like we're buttering toast
Shake our yamma yammas like we're humping a ghost.

We're gonna skin you
We're gonna bone you
We're gonna slim you
We're gonna hone you down

Everybody's slimmin'
Even men and women!
How did Franz Kafka keep so thin?
He ate himself from within!