Stephen Lynch: Crazy Peanuts

Crazy Peanuts

Charlie Brown had a big blockhead
Wore a stripy sweater everyday
Tried to kick that football but Lucy always
Pulled the motherfucker away

Flew a kite just to try to relax
But he always put that shit in a tree
And the little redheaded girl
Wouldnt give no play to poor Chuck B.

They were the baddest fuckers in the funny papers-Peanuts!

Onto a security blanket
Linus Van Pelt would latch
He snuggled into that bitch to keep warm
While waiting in the pumpkin patch

He had a stalker named Sally Brown
Well she always tried to get her some
She loved how he knew the meaning of Christmas
And the sexy way he sucked that thumb

Watch out, cause here they comePeanuts!

Oh Peanuts! Crazy Peanuts!
A bunch of kids trying to be free
Take my hand and lets dance now
Under Charlies shitty Christmas tree

Marci was best friends
With Patty Patty Peppermint
She would love to do things to that girl
That Charles M. Schultz cant print

Pigpen was a dusty dude
Who couldnt keep his own ass clean
All the teachers said Wa wa wa wa
Wa wa what does that shit mean?

Watch Out, cause here they comePeanuts!

Oh Peanuts! Crazy Peanuts!
They comin from the school of hard knocks
Lifes not always bowls of candy
Sometimes you just get a bag of rocks

Lucy was a psychiatrist
But her comments always gave offense
And the bitch couldnt make no money
Cause she charged a motherfucker five cents

You know the ladies loved some Schroeder
Cause he played the eighty-eights real good
And Franklin was a real cool cat
But the only brother in the hood

Watch out, cause here they comePeanuts!

Oh Peanuts!! Crazy Peanuts!
Poor Charlie Brown you will never get laid
Its so hard to get pussy
When youre the baldest kid in 2nd grade

Oh Peanuts! Crazy Peanuts!
A bunch of kids trying to be free
Take my hand and lets dance now
Under Charlies shitty Christmas tree