Stephen Lynch: D&D (Live)

00:04]Harmonica.
[00:10]More harmonica.

I got my twelve sided die and I'm ready to roll with a wizard and my goblin crew.
My friends are coming over to my mom's basement bringing Funyuns and the Mountain Dew.
I got a big broad sword made outta cardboard and that stereos a pumpin zeppelin. (dazed and confused)
It's that time of the night, we turn on the black light, let the dungeons and the dragons begin!

It's D and D!!
Fighting with the legends of yore.
It's D and D!!
Never kissed a lady before. Nope, I said it, WOOO!
C'mon you gonna bring the thunder? I'll bring the fuckin thunder, c'mon bring the thunder, c'mon lets go! Aww that's nice.
Why don't you bring some thunder mother fucker. Bring some thunder, alright!

Now the lord of the rings the dark crystal and things, we use these as a reference tool.
And when we put on our cloaks and tell warlock jokes, we're the coolest kids in the school!
No we're not. I know.

Now Teich's a real bastard, but a fair dungeon master, he's got hitpoints and charisma to lend.
And I rehearse in my room or what I call the dragon's tomb when I'm not out with my girlfriend!
It's D and D!
Wait wait wait, Teich, c'mon. I'm sorry. Woah hey wait, I'm sorry. Hold on gimme one second. What?
Dude come on, seriously. What?!
You've got a fuckin...girlfriend? Dungeon master!
That's kind of a dick thing to say.

It's D and D!!
Summoning the demons of hell.
It's D and D!!
When our shift ends at the taco bell. Gordita! Chalupa!

Well my medieval brother, there's room here for another, would you care to take a roll of the die?
You guys make me weep, you think that you can keep up with a warrior as mighty as I?
See you're in mortal danger, I'm a first class ranger who's half gargoyle and half elf.
And if that doesn't scare ya maybe I should beware ya what lurks within my gaming shelf.
Next to my junior high annual lies my monster manual, and my customized dungeon master screen.
I've got treasures and traps on my graph paper maps, next to my three inch solid pewter figurines.
So if you think you got the balls, bring on your dungeon master calls, I'll be protected by my robe of destruction.
And I will leave you both in tears cause I'm the dungeon master here and you two are in need of some instruction.

It's D and D!!
Warriors who terrify.
It's D and D!!!!!!!
Virgins, 'til the day.....
We..................................
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohh oh
Do it, oh oh ohh oh {note:oh's from New Kids on the Block song}

NO, NO, NO, NO! NO!

One,Two fuck you
DIE!!!!!
Thank you everybody!