The Arrogant Worms: The Last Sensitive Cowboy

When you hear that I'm a cowboy and I work the cattle trail
You probably assume I'm big and tough (big and tough)
But the trail's worn me down, I don't wanna hang around
I've just about had enough (had enough)
You see, I like a cup of espresso
And I like to read my People magazine
I coordinate my chaps but everybody laughs
And say they don't like that shade of green

Oh no, it's true
I'm a sensitive cowboy and I don't know what to do
Oh no, it's kinda strange
I'm the last sensitive cowboy on the range

Well I try to eat a healthy balanced diet
But they all eat their brown beans from the can
They all have to smoke about six packs a day
You'd think they was the Marlboro Man (*gasp* smooth *cough*)
And they don't like to go to see the opera
On Friday nights when they get paid
And they don't help me bring in the hanging plants
Every time there's a Native American raid

Oh no, it's true
I'm a sensitive cowboy and I don't know what to do
Oh no, it's kinda strange
I'm the last sensitive cowboy on the range

Cowboy life sure is different these days. Why brand yer cattle when you can just use bovine psychology? Why have a gunfight when there are so many good paralegals out there? Nobody drinks and bushwhacks any more. Besides, we're all switchin' over to eatin' salt-reduced tofu jerky. And if yer gonna ride off into the sunset, make sure yer usin' an effective sunblock.

Oh no, it's true
I'm a sensitive cowboy and I don't know what to do
Oh no, it's kinda strange
I'm the last sensitive cowboy on...
Oh no, it's true
I'm a sensitive cowboy and I don't know what to do
Oh no, it's kinda strange
I'm the last sensitive cowboy on the range