Tim Minchin: 18 Yr Old Lesbian

You can have my body
You can steal my car
You can take my money
You can have what you like but it won't get you very far
Cos my heart belongs to an 18 year old lesbian

You can be my lover
We can have a fling
You can say you're mine forever
You can tell me what you like but it won't get you anything
Cos my heart belongs to an 18 year old lesbian

I can't quite believe it
After years of lonely searching
I have stumbled here on my ideal girl
And forget about logistics
So she's seven years my junior
So what if she likes kissing girls as well?
It doesn't matter
Cos I know I've found my only one
She has my heart forever
But I'll keep my feelings to myself
I'd never dare to tell her
Cos she tends towards females
And I'm definitely a fella
But if she was mine
By God, I'd love her well

You can be my buddy
We'll be best of friends
And you may be smart or funny
We may be the perfect pair but there'll be tears in the end
Cos my heart belongs to an 18 year old lesbian

I don't see why I shouldn't
Be allowed to have my dream
Just because we bat for different sides
Just look at Romeo and Juliet
They ended up together
Though admittedly they prematurely died
It doesn't matter
Cos next time I see her
I'm gonna pledge my heart forever
And I'll ask her for her hand
Although I won't forget to tell her
That I don't mind wearing dresses
If she wants to be the fella
Cos I think I'd make
A really lovely bride

I can't quite believe it
After years of lonely searching
I have stumbled here on my ideal girl
And forget about logistics
So she's seven years my junior
So what if she likes kissing girls as well?
It doesn't matter
Cos she can wear the trousers
And I will wear the nighty
She can grow her armpit hair
And I will wax fortnightly
And despite the fact that hairless
I'm a little bit unsightly
I'd give more than just my hair to have this girl