Tom Green: People In My Neighborhood

Check!
Check!

I saw Bill Clinton at the four seasons, talking to Mick Jagger, for god knows what reason,
And over to my left,
I'm checking Queen Latifah having some type of business brunch with her people,
I get the check-in valet, jump in my range,
I drive around town, everything seems strange,
I see Christina Aguilera chilling at a club, she shakes my hand, her people say 'whatsup'
I met Fred Durst at the line-up to the movies,
He asked for my number, but then he never calls me,
Guess I did the same to Kanye West and Jim Carey,
I didn't want to stalk them or bugging out and scary,
I went to the drug store, there was Kevin Bacon,
But everyone's got six degrees of Kevin Bacon,
And there's no mistaking when you see him around,
See the people in my neighborhood are freaking me out,

These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
In my nay-bor-HOOD,

I saw Reese Witherspoon walking with her hubby,
I saw my ex-bitch acting all druggy,
I saw Jay-Z dropping flips I wanna study,
Think I'll try to replicate it but I'm sounding kinda muddy,
This kid walked up to Chris Rock and me, in a club,
He said 'Chris, your funny, Tom, your not!'
I said 'That's embarrassing, thanks a lot'
And waved to the bartender, drank another shot,
Now I saw Regis Philbin crossing the street,
I saw Kevin Spacey in a SUV,
I saw Paris Hilton; she was looking at me,
I ought to tap that old video, so y'all can see,
Now I went to a movie, I saw belbive and a voe,
And over to my left was Steve-O, he stapled a popcorn box to his forehead,
Smiling and chuckling, I guess it wasn't sore yet,
Saw Matthew Perry in a parking garage, I said 'I'm from Ottawa, too'
He said 'What? You want a badge?'
And then he walked away and I felt all sad,
The people in my neighborhood are flipping me out bad,

These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
In my nay-bor-HOOD,

These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
In my nay-bor-HOOD,

I saw Johnny Knoxville, quiet type of prick,
But he could have been embarrassed about my bum is on your lips,
I saw Ashton Kutcher acting like a dick,
It was after my had bombed but before his hat and shit,
I saw Jimmy Falon; he dissed me on my show,
I guess he thought he was Chevy Chace, I guess we'll never know,
I saw Martin Short; he made fun of my nut,
But he's not funny anymore so I didn't give a fuck,
I saw Tom Hanks backstage at my show,
He was nice to my parents, I was afraid to say hello,
I saw Adam Sandler, he shook my hand,
Then we talked about his website, and how he is 'The Man'
The people in my neighborhood are hardly understanded,
Well maybe the grocery store clerk, or postman,
And even that dude tries to give me scripts,
'Just give me my mail, and stop acting like a prick!'

These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
In my nay-bor-HOOD,

These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
In my nay-bor-HOOD,

Ha!

Just one thing, everybody in this song, they deserve it! Except for maybe Paris Hilton, but I just had a rhyme that I couldn't ignore, sorry Paris, it was just a good rhyme, you know I love you.
Woah!

These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
These are the people in my neighborhood,
In my nay-bor-HOOD.