Triumph The Insult Comic Dog: I Keed, I Keed

I thought my CD was done
But that's not what THEY say
'Do an insult track
We need it for radio play!'
Cram in the names
I'll take a long, hard pee
To mess up the biz
Like an MP3

American Idol
That's who I look for
In the 'poop' section
Of my local record store
Reuben or Clay
Oh, which should I pick?
It's like choosing which puddle
Of vomit to lick
And when I want something
Even more fruity and fake
I look up 'n' for N'Sync
Or 't' for Timberlake
So many skills
Justin's making a buck at
Does he rap, does he sing?
He doesn't know what to suck at
Now, as for the bitches
Let's give Britney thanks
For the face that launched
A million pre-teen skanks
You were a virgin
That had to be hard
You've had more bones in your mouth
Than a St. Bernard

I keed, I keed
(He just make a little joke)
I joke with you
(Little dog, little joke)
I keed, I keed
(He just make a little joke)
You're a great actress, too
(Little dog, little joke)

Now let's go to Wal-Mart
Where they won't sell my CD
That company's nuts
Are in a jar, in aisle 3
But you can see Christina
In all her slut-tude
It's like watching porn
But the music's not as good
I want to stuff
My TV's crotch with a dollar
Still I'd hump you
If I could wear my flea collar
You're looser than my poop
After eating honeydew
Only 50 Cents been plugged more than you
More than you
And yet you're too old
For Fred Durst to desire
He's checking out the cast
Of Lizzy McGuire
Soon Fred'll try
To get Mandy Moore
To open for him
And I don't mean on tour
You're not the first, Durst
For R.Kelly
His videos premiere
At the LAPD
I believe they set up
An innocent guy
and you know what else?
I believe I can fly

I keed, I keed
(He just make a little joke)
I joke with you
(Little dog, little joke)
I keed, I keed
(He just make a little joke)
I believe Michael, too, yeah
(Little dog, little joke)

Now look how friggin' cool
Those guys from The Strokes are
Their riffs are three times
As old as my jokes are
Hey White Stripes guy
Is that your wife or your sister?
Shouldn't you be playing
Country music mister?
Hey Coldplay
Maybe you should be 'Coldsore'
Back when you were U2
I liked you so much more
Somehow your song 'Yellow'
Reminds me of pee
I think 'cause when it's over
It's a big relief to me
Yo, Pink -
Is that your hair or a tattoo?
I didn't know Supercuts
Had a drive-thru
Yo, Nelly
What the hell kind of name is that?
That's about as gangster
As an Easter bonnet hat
And Snoop says he's clean now?
You make the call
The guy's higher
Than Billy Joel's cholesterol
Snoop . . .
There's only room for one dog, putz
And I can rap
Can you lick your own nuts?
Poop Diddy
Are you in showbusiness still?
I didn't know wearing
A suit was a skill
J. Lo, J. Lo
The giant tail-o
For a doggy's nose
That's the holy grail-o
Shakira's butt's fine
But it won't hold still, you see
I sniffed Elton John's tush
Just for all the history
I sniffed J. Lo's ass
And got too touchy-feely
She let loose a bomb
That was bigger than 'Gigli'

I keed, I keed
(He just make a little joke)
I joke with you
(Little dog, little joke)
I keed, I keed
(Nothin' wrong witcha butt)
I even like . . . I don't like Affleck
(Nothin' wrong witcha butt)

Avril Lavigne, punk queen?
Now there's a kidder
Go back north
Celine needs a babysitter
Phillip Glass, atonal ass
You're not immune
Write a song with
A fucking tune
And on the list of pussies
Don't leave off MTV
I scare them and Eminem
So they gave the hook to me
Slim Shady
Why do you find me so scary?
We're just two regular dudes
Who banged Mariah Carey
Wipe of that frown
Just do without it
Hey, my mom was a bitch, too
But I don't go writing songs about it

I keed, I keed
(He just make a little joke)
I joke with you
(Little dog, little joke)
I keed, I keed
(He just make a little joke)
You know I never meant to hurt you
(Never meant to make you cry)
I keed, I keed
(He just make a little joke)
It's a joke, you see?
(Laughy, laughy, laughy, ha, ha)
Let's stop hating each other
(He just make a little joke)
Leave the pooping to me
(Rock it to me, sock it to me)
Rock it to me, sock it to me
Rock it to me, sock it to me
Rock it to me, sock it to me
I'm a rapping dog
And I'm here to say
Rappa, rappa, rappa
Tappa, happa, happa