Amy Fat: I Am Not That Fat

first off i would like to tell all the fat people out there
that there is hope for you and it starts with my best
friend Jenny u see Jenny used to be fat just like the
rest of us fat asses that like to sit around on the couch
all day and be fat i admit it i used to be a whopping 240 lbs
but now that i met my friend i am down to 205 lbs and in
only 3 1/2 months with a shake for breakfast, a shake for
lunch, and a slice of bread for dinner. it's the miracle diet!!!
i also engage in lots and lots of dirty dirty sex with my fat
ass husband, who is also on the diet. he has gone from 420 lbs
to 380 lbs in 3 1/2 months and he looks sexier and sexier
every day...especially when he is naked. i would also like
to take this time to advertise a brand new store where
people like you and me can go shopping without embarrassment.
u see they have stores for the small and petite little wenches
that think they're hot shit just because they don't have to
wear maternity clothes when they aren't pregnant. they also
have stores for the "big and tall" but for people like me who
are big but not tall, well, clothing companies like to forget
about us when it comes to making nice clothes, such as
spandex. something about not having enough material to
make the size i need or something. but anyway this new store
has everything we need and more. the store has aisles that
are 2x the size of a regular store, so no more backing out
of the aisle to let the other people get out, a definite plus.
also the entrances and exits are like barn doors, except
the open with a motion detector...ingenious!!! the store
carries clothing of all sizes...except for normal people that
meet the weight requirements to use an elevator. what
is the name of this amazing place you might ask well
it is called "Vertically Challenged and Pleasantly Plump"
and it fits the store perfectly without putting down us
fat asses. now if you take time to call the 800 number
a recording will help u find the nearest location of the
store and i'm tellin ya this place is going to be popular
i'm talking McDonald's type popular and we all know
how much we love that place so just call this number
(800) SPANDEX ext. FAT
(800) 772-6339 ext. 328
and if you want to go on my fabulous diet, the number is
(800) 01 JENNY
(800) 015-3669
GOOD LUCK FATSO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-fat amy-