Eric Woolfson: The Murders In The Rue Morgue

(Extra, extra, read all about it!)

They found another victim but she's barely alive
(Murder! Murder!)
She must have known who done it but she didn't survive
(Murder! Murder!)
There might have been a dozen, but they think there's only two
(Murder! Murder! Read all about it!)
They might have spoken Russian but we haven't got a clue

Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!
Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!

They didn't force the windows and they didn't break the doors
(Murder! Murder!)
There's blood upon the celing and a razor on the floor
(Murder! Murder!)
Somebody heard an argument, somebody heard a crash
(Murder! Murder!)
They didn't touch the jewelry, they didn't steal the cash
They broke up all the funiture, smash smash smash!

Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!
Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!

By a process of deduction I have come to the conclusion
The crime is not committed, and the murder an illusion
The body's a reality and not destroyed by spirits
But whatever must have happened, it was over in minutes

Police have got a problem, they don't know where to look
They need to find a suspect to get them off the hook
Although it's plainly obvious, they cannot understand
That the criminal was no ordinary man
The perpetrator just slipped through their hands

They found the mother lying in the middle of the room
(Ghastly! Murder!)
The daughter in the chimney stack stuck up like a broom
(Murder! Murder!)
The police are getting nowhere, they don't know what to do
(Murder! Murder!)
They even asked a psychic, but nothing's coming through

Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!
Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!

They might be still in hiding, they might be on the run
(Murder! Murder!)
They're trying to find the motive but they've only just begun
(Murder! Murder!)
They've guarded off the neighborhood, no one can get through
(Murder! Murder!)
They haven't found a footprint, they haven't found a shoe
They're all completely baffled, it's a fine how-to-do!

Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!
Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!

By the clarity of reason I have come to my decision
Though the facts are unequivocal, they tend to blur the vision
An exit was impossible, the lock had not been fiddled
Though the motive was invisible, the riddle was unriddled

In light of comprehension by a process of deduction
We eliminate impossible and end up with instruction
For, sure as my name is Auguste Dupin
The criminal was an orangutan

The animal escaped from the clutches of its master
Who chased him through the town, but the animal was faster
He got in through a window, quite how, it doesn't matter
Then it found an open razor and alarmed them with a clatter

The ladies must have screamed in their terror and their dread
And it flailed its arms--slash, slash, slash--they were dead!
But the fingerprint it left was by no human hand
For the murderer was an orangutan
Yes the muderer was an orangutan!

Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!
Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!

With every possibility the police are off the hook
(Murder! Murder!)
They couldn't solve the mystery, they want to close the book
(Murder! Murder!)
It might be still in hiding or it might be on the run
(Murder! Murder!)
But then they caught a suspect, their found was nearly done
They thought it was all over then they find another one!

Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!
Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!
Murder, murder!

Murder, murder, in the Rue Morgue!