Judd Cledus T: Merry Christmas From The Whole Fam Damily

Verse 1:
t'was the fight before christmas
when all through the house
no furniture left standin'
no t. v. or couch or aquarium
heck, they even knocked over my chia pet
ma maw was flung across the room by her hair
by her sister ethel who never fought fair

LET'S GERT READY TO TUMBLE

the children all wrassled and jumped off the beds
droppin elbows and knees on each others heads
and ma maw with her fryin pan and pa with his bat
cleared half the room in ten seconds flat
the whole brawl began with an innocent mater
when aunt flo thought eugene said SHE LOOKS A WHOLE LOT FATTER
she knocked him through the window he fell with a crash
tore down the gutters and busted his ... leg really bad
ya shoulda seen it looked like he'd been in a motorcycle wreck
yea it was awful i could barely look at it

see both sides of our family have never gotten along
and every holiday something always goes wrong
ya aint supposed to fight but spread joy in this season
but when they get the nog they just look for a reason
in no time at all everybody joined in
and right there we squared off with our closest of kin
IT'S A TIME FOR GIVIN said uncle bill
as he gave a black eye to his brother-in-law phil
i heard someone say IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS,
AND RIGHT NOW, I'M THINKIN ABOUT KNOCKIN YOUR BUTT OUT
presents and fists flew all over the room
and nanna had some pretty fancy moves with a broom
she took out three cousins and knocked over the tree
and i ducked just in time she swung 'round at me

CHORUS:
it's my favorite time of year
dad always has too much beer
gets on the roof and hunts reindeer
merry christmas from the whole fam damily
tie the antlers on the dog
save some shine for santa clause
from all the inlaws and outlaws
merry christmas from the whole fam damily

Verse 2:
i crawled to the phone Lord it seemed like a mile
and called 911, which we keep on speed dial
in a matter of minuets out the window appeared
flashin' blue lights and the sheriff john deer
just then six men burst through the door
some yellin' HANDS UP some GET ON THE FLOOR
a stray cluch from grampa found the sheriff's chin
and just for good measure he clocked him again
it took all six cops to get grampa in cuffs
ya know he gets fiesty when he runs out of snuff
we all stoped our fighting and cheered grampa on
heck, i thought he could take em' i guess i was wrong
as they dragged him outside he yelled I'VE BEEN FRAMED
he was kickin and screamin and callin them names
you (beep) you (beep)
let me go you (beep)
you donut eatin stupid (beep) son of a (beep)

we stood on the porch as did all our neighbors
who always took interest in our families behavors
MIND YOUR OWN BUISNESS we heard grandma shout
and WE'LL TAKE ALL THE PRESENTS BACK, DAD, AND COME BAIL YA OUT
by now we'd forgoten what we'd been fighting for
we were battered and bruised but united once more
then we all joined hands and sang silent night
and we heard grampa exclaim as they drove outta sight
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, MAN THAT WAS A GOOD FIGHT

CHORUS:
deck your neighbor, deck the halls
'tis the season for a brawl
from all of us to all of yall
merry christmas from the whole fam damily
merry christmas from the whole fam damily
merry christmas from the whole fam damily