Negativland: Smelly Water

Wow! What a team!
Right. Pleasure being together like this.
We've a real challange on today, right.
Two days to crack the formula of how to sell
water plants across Europe and right here in the
UK by direct marketing.

Drip, drip, drip.

Ok, on the elective side: fear, fear.
You make her brush her teeth, you tell her not to
talk to strangers, so why do you put arsenic in her
orange juice?

It's quite a powerful proposition, quite a powerful catch.
Yes, so say it.

Another cup of java.

Stinko. Blotto.

Another cup...

Have smelly water.

Drip, drip, drip.

You see me as....
You see me as.... as, as, as...

Are you on? Are you switched on?

Another cup of java.
Get me some nickels, Barney.

Drip, drip, drip.

Give me a cup of coffee.

Drip, drip, drip, drip.

You better settle for a hamburger.

Drip, drip, drip.

Another cup of java.
Give me a cup of coffee.

You must like our coffee.

It stinks.

It had a distinct odor. Distinct odor.
Drip, drip...

I notice you're drinking your seventh hamburger.

Drip, drip, drip.

Well, um. Well, um...

Drip, drip, drip.

Well, um.

Drip, drip, drip.

Well, um, here in our part of the country we have
a problem with our water.

Drip, drip.

It's that our water smells; we have smelly water.

Drip, drip, drip.

We have smelly water.

Drip, drip.

I notice you're drinking a hamburger.

Drip.

Another cup of java.

Barney, get me some nickels.

Anything else?

Barney.

Anything else?

Yeah, what else?

Yeah, what else? Java.

Drip.

Yeah, what else you got today but coffee?

How about anything else?

Give me a cup of coffee.

Drip, drip, drip.

Another cup of java. Java.

You see me as...

Java, java.

You see me as...

Java, java.

You see me as...

Java, java.

as, as, as, as...

It stinks.

It had a distinct odor.

A magic looking glass. Who does?

Libido.

They're told to watch channel 4 at eight o'clock in the morning.

Stinko.

They're going to watch this TV commercial and discover....

Stinko.

...the collected impurities in the water.

Drip, drip, drip.
Drink, drink, drink.
Drip, drip, drip...

Drip, drip, drip.

And words will appear.

... goes the water.

Stinko.

Drip, drip, drip...

You could have arsenic...

... goes the water.

Stinko.

...asbestos...

Drip, drip, drip, goes the water.

Stinko.

...all the nasties...

Drip, drip, drip, goes the water.

.. all the nasties in the water, suddenly appearing.

Stinko, blotto, free love...

Arsenic...

Bathtub gin...

...asbestos....

...monkey glands, Karl Marx...

...arsenic..

...cubisms, slits,

...asbestos...

...neurotic...

...all the nasties...

...heterosexual.

My, my, my, what an eager little mind. You won't need some of these
words for months and months.

Well, um. Well, um. um, um, um,...

It's that our water smells, we have smelly water. and, and.
It's that our water smells, we have smelly water.

And by judicous questioning we have to find and assosiate the kind of
people who are interested in this.

Drip...

It's trickle-down theory.

The TV-campaign, several TV campaigns. What an attention grabber!
Sensational. Sensational.
Great. Brilliant.

It's trickle-down theory.

Target people on the sort of water they want.

It's trickle-down theory.

And the sort of house they've got, what sort of family. Yes.

Water pollution is certainly topical.

We have smelly water.

Drip.

We've tried lots and lots of products...

Drip.

...the product does what it says it's going to do, and, um...

Drip.

...it does all of the things all of the other products...

Drip.

...said that they were going to do and never did.

Drip, drip, drip.

So....

You see me as...

Drip, drip, drip.

What are you gonna do?

You see me as...

What are you gonna do?

You see me as...

What are you gonna do? It's done.

As, as, as.

What do you mean, it's done?

Drink drink drink drink
Drink drink drink drink
Drink drink drink drink
Drip, drip, drip.
Drink drink drink drink
Of course, I've tried lots and lots of products.
Drink drink drink drink
Drink drink drink drink
I've tried lots and lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots
lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots of products.
Drink drink drink drink
Drink drink drink drink
Drink drink drink drink

Another cup of java.

Drip, drip, drip.

Of course, this is a very difficult problem for most of us out here.

Drip, drip, drip.

Another cup of java.

Run of the mill. Pardon.

Drip, drip, drip.

Another cup of java.

It had a distinct odor.

The cities' a song.

Drip, drip, drip.

Another cup of java.

Drink, drink, drink.

I'll send ya the bill.

You must like our coffee.

Drip, drip, drip...

It stinks.

...goes the water.

You must like our coffee.
It stinks.

You must like our coffee.
It stinks.

Drip, drip, drip, goes the water.

It stinks.
Give me a cup of coffee.
It stinks.

Another cup of java.

Drip, drip, drip...

Anything else?

.. goes the water.

Yeah, but it aint on the menu. Barney.

And it aint gonna be.

Drip, drip, drip....

You'd better settle for a seventh cup.

...goes the water.

OK. With onions.

Drip, drip, drip...

Startling! Startling!

Back, back to real purity.
In other words, when a disaster happens, we hit the press
with an ad about purity of water.

Drip, drip, drip.

Are you pregnant again? Yes!
Babies, babies, right.

Motive, we can use as a motive, mother and chlid thing.

Startling!

Drink, drink, drink.

This is a special message for the Larsen family:
Your daugher, Lauren will be five years old on
April second, 1995. In this time she may have drunk
350 gallons of water. Wouldn't you like the water Lauren
drinks to be as crystal clear and pure as can be...

Drip, drip, drip...

.. for only five cents a gallon?

... goes the water.