Stephen Lynch: Talk To Me (Live)

I came down to the breakfast table
Felt like I could cry.

*Crowd Yells*
*Lynch laughs*
Lynch - I haven't even told the fucking joke yet, now I have to start all over.

*Sings them fast*
I came down to the breakfast table
Felt like I could cry

I tried so hard, but wasn't able
To look you in the eye
For I am feeling so much shame
Yes I have brought disgrace
Could tell I soiled my good name
By the look upon your face

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
Well dry your eyes and don't be so sad.
If you could just forgive me, and talk to me dad
Talk to me dad

Whoo!
No I didn't hear you enter, no I didn't hear the door
With my hand upon my member and my pants upon the floor
Now burnt into your brain is an image you despise
Like blood and guts and starving kids and Stevie Wonder's eyes

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
Well dry your eyes, don't be so sad
But I wouldn't use those tissues, they've already been had
talk to me dad

Lynch:Hey there's semen in those tissues everyone
They stand up by themselves!

The look upon your face made my swollen gland diminish
So I said could you close the door, I really wanna finish.
Now daddy, I'm ashamed and I completely understand
If you never wanna hug again or even shake my hand

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it,well I was really cranking it
Well please come down and dont get mad
Just because it was your bed, it's not that bad

*Lynch tries to scat and fails*
Lynch: and I have not clue why I just started scatting there
Be Bop dooie yoo!!!

When I was only 17 you told me it was dirty
So it must be really creepy when you kid is pushing 30
YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Well it seems last night you caught me spanking it
No use denying it, I was really cranking it
Now dry your eyes, don't be so sad
But I wouldn't use those tissues, they've already been
Just because it was your bed, it's not that
Oh daddy, daddy, please forgive me, and talk to me dad
talk to me dad