Stephen Sondheim: You Could Drive A Person Crazy

APRIL, KATHY, MARTA:
Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!

You could drive a person crazy,
You could drive a person mad.
First you make a person hazy
So a person could be had,
Then you leave a person dangling sadly
Outside your door,
Which could only make a person gladly
Want you even more.

I could understand a person
If it's not a person's bag.
I could understand a person
If a person was a fag.
But worse 'n that,
A person that
Titillates a person and then leaves her flat
Is crazy,
He's a troubled person,
He's a truly crazy person himself.

KATHY:
When a person's personality is personable,
He should not sit like a lump.
It's harder than a matador coercin' a bull
To try to get you off of your rump.
So single and attentive and attractive a man
Is everything a person could wish,
But turning off a person is the act of a man
Who likes to pull the hooks out of fish.

APRIL, KATHY, MARTA:
Knock-knock! Is anybody there?
Knock-knock! It really isn't fair.
Knock-knock! I'm workin' all my charms.
Knock-knock! A zombie's in my arms.

All that sweet affection!
What is wrong?
Where's the loose connection?
How long, O Lord, how long?
Bobby-baby-Bobby-bubbi-Bobby,

You could drive a person buggy,
You could blow a person's cool.
Like you make a person feel all huggy
While you make her feel a fool.

When a person says that you upset her,
That's when you're good.
You impersonate a person better
Than a zombie should.
I could understand a person
If he wasn't good in bed.
I could understand a person
If he actually was dead.

Exclusive you!
Elusive you!
Will any person ever get the juice of you?
You're crazy,
You're a lovely person,
You're a moving,
Deeply malajusted,
Never to be trusted,
Crazy person yourself.
Bobby is my hobby and I'm givin' it up!