Tim Minchin: Cont

So, yeah, this is, um, this is a new song I've written. It's kind of a, sort of jaunty swing number and it's called, um, "Cont"

I don't like Jews
Neither should you
They're ethically and spiritually poor, that's a fact

I don't like black people
It's just not acceptable
There should be some kind of law that is that

And I get the shits with Inuits
They get on my tits, the little bastards

And women
Just make me so mad, does that make me bad?
Am I bad, is that bad?

And the fuckin' Italians, I just cannot stand them
They really inspire my rancour
Cheating fucking Italian wankers

And lesbians and the bi-curious
Make me furious
It's not their fault, I know, but still... grr!

And fuckin' Christians
I just want to punch 'em in their faces

And I'm not comfortable with Muslims on the tube
And I can't stand publicly breast-feeding mothers

And I hate gays who talk camp-ly
And the fuckin' Chinese make me angry

I hate the rich
I hate the poor
I hate bitches
I hate whores

I hate Africans
I hate Japanese
I hate the disabled
I hate Burmese

Yeah, I don't care about your colour or your creed
I will judge you for no reason

Is that... is that... no, just stop. Ohhh. Oh, fuck. Sorry, I... it's, ugh, that's the trouble with trying out new stuff. It's... half the lyr- I had half the lyrics covered up. I thought I was... I was only... I think we, I think we should probably do it again; I think if we leave it there, I might run the risk of being misconstrued. It's not even called "Cont", it's called "Context"!

I don't like Jews
Who make and distribute kiddy porn
Neither should you
They're ethically and spiritually poor, that's a fact

I don't like black people
Who risk billions of other peoples money gambling on future derivatives
It's just not acceptable
There should be some kind of law that is that

And I get the shits with Inuits
Who find out what job I do
And regale me with a racist joke or two
They get on my tits, the little bastards

And women
Who judge other women for not holding the same views as them vis-a-vis career and mothering
Just make me so mad, does that make me bad?
Am I bad, is that bad?

And the fuckin' Italians, I just cannot stand them
When they take a dive in the penalty box, denying Australia its World Cup spot
They really inspire my rancour
Cheating fuckin' Italian wankers

And lesbians and the bi-curious
Make me furious
When their pride parade blocked the traffic flow when my baby had asthma and had to go to the hospital
It's not their fault, I know, but still... grr!

And fuckin' Christians
Who lean on their horn when my wife is being cautious at an intersection
I just want to punch them in their faces, although my anger is fleeting
I understand their frustration, she's a little too hesitant

And I'm not comfortable with Muslims on the tube
Who look over my shoulder when I'm reading
And I can't stand publicly breast-feeding mothers
Who smoke cigarettes while they're feeding

And I hate gays who talk camp-ly
During the final act of King Lear
And the fuckin' Chinese make me angry
When they make sham erection potions out of the horns of endangered rhinoceros

I hate the rich who use their wealth as an excuse for bigotry
I hate the poor who use their poverty as an excuse for bigotry
I hate bitches who get rabies and try to bite babies
I hate whores who won't accept Visa

I hate African racists
I hate Japanese homophobes
I hate those disabled rapists
I hate Burmese cats

Yeah, I don't care about your colour or your creed
I will judge you for no reason
But your deeds!

So, um