Tim Minchin: Confessions

I believe that women have the right
To walk the streets at night
And not be afraid for their lives
And I believe a woman has the right
To choose what happens to her body
Without suffering the judgement
Of the conservative right
And I believe a woman has the right
To wear the clothes she likes
Without being treated like dirt
And I think we men are pathetic
How we seem to judge aesthetic
As the measure of a woman's worth

I'm ashamed on behalf of my sex
For making women feel like objects

Fuck, I love boobs, though
I just really love them
Fuck, I love boobs, though
I just want to rub them
They're just so jooby
They make me feel groovy
I would rather watch boobs than a movie
Ba-doop-e-do
I just really love boobs

I believe the people are entitled
To basic human rights
Whether they're rich or they're poor
And I believe a world where no children are starving
Is a world worth fighting for
And I try to remind myself
Even when I'm struggling
How incredibly lucky I am
And I don't think it's okay
That the luxuries I crave
Should come at the expense of my fellow man

I'm sure I could do a little more
To alleviate the suffering of the poor

Fuck, I love boobs, though
I just really love them
I don't really mind if I am behind
Below, or above them
They're just so jubbly
They make me feel lovely
I would rather own boobs than a pub
Ba-doop-e-do
I just really love boobs

I believe the planet that we live in
Is a living organism
And we must treat her carefully
I don't think we should assume
We can go on consuming
Her resources indefinitely
The world's not a bottomless pit
And we can all do our little bit

Fuck, I love boobs, though
I just really care for 'em
They are equally fun
When they're twenty-one
Or octogenarian
They're just so flappy
They make me feel happy
I would rather eat boobs than a bap
Ba-doop-e-doop-de-do
I just really love boobs

Evolutionary theory says bosoms
Are buttock-like protrusions
Designed to tempt men
In situations when
They can't get a glimpse of your bum
I find such hypotheses dumb
It's like the one that says
Lipstick is for making your lips look more
Like the lips of a happy vagina
Since they said that, I can't
Look my great aunt in the eye
Why'd they have to say that, oh why?

From the first little suck of colostrum
To the grope of the nurse in the old people's hostel
We're just fucking monkeys in shoes

And I will always love boobs
I will always love boobs