Chris Rock: No Sex In The Champagne Room

Ladies and Gentlemen of the G. E. D. class of 1999,
i have one piece of advice for you,
No matter what a stripper tells you,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!
Oh, theres champagne in the champagne room
But, you don't want champagne, you want sex.
And theres no sex, in the champagne room.

Dont go to parties with metal detectors.
Sure, It feels safe inside,
But what about all those niggers waiting outside with guns,
They Know You Aint Got One!

If a woman tells you shes 20, and looks 16, shes 12.
If she tells you shes 26, and looks 26, Shes Damn Near 40!

Take off that silly ass hat.

The ODB couldnt have possibly committed all those crimes.
Coolio did some of that shit

Young black men:
If you go to a movie theater, and someone steps on your foot,
Let it slide!
Why spend the next 20 years in jail b-cuz
Someone smudged Your Puma!

Cornbread-Aint nothin wrong with that!

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin,
remember this one thing:
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room!
(That guy starts singin)
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Absolutly, positively no sex in the champagne room

If a homeless person has a funny sign,
He hasnt been homeless that long.
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.

If a girl has a pierced tongue,
She'll probably suck your dick
(That'd Be great, Yeaaaah!)
If a guy has a pierced tongue,
He'll probably suck your dick
(Dont want that Noooooo!)

Heres a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius-You're Gonna Die!
Capricorn-You're Gonna Die!
Gemini-You're Gonna Die TWICE!
Leo-You're Gonna Die!
Scorpio-You're Gonna Die fuckin!

No one goes to Hooters for wings.

If you've been dating a man for 4 months,
And you havent met any of his friends yet,
You Are Not His Girlfriend!

Some of the things I said may not apply to you.
Some of the things I said may offend you
But no matter who you are,
You must remember this one thing:
No matter what a stripper says,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!

No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Cant get none, Nooooo!
Cant have none, Nooooo!
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!