Chris Rock: No Sex (in the Champagne Room)

Chris Rock
Miscellaneous
No Sex (in the Champagne Room)
Ladies and Gentlemen of the GED class of 1999
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a stripper tells you...
There is NO SEX in the champagne room
NONE!


Oh, there's CHAMPAGNE in the champagne room
But you don't want champagne...
You want SEX!
And there's NO SEX in the champagne room


Don't go to parties with metal detectors
Sure, it feels safe inside...
But what about all those niggas waitin' outside with guns?...
They know you ain't got one!


If a woman tells you she's 20, and looks 16 - she's 12
If she tells you she's 26 and LOOKS 26 - she's damn near 40!


Take off that silly-ass hat!


The ODB couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes...
Coolio did some of dat shit!


Young, black men: If you go to a movie theater
and someone steps on your foot...
LET IT SLIIIIDE...
Why spend the next 20 years in jail
Cuz someone smudged your PUMA?


CORNBREAD...
Ain't nuttin' wrong wit that!


No matter what you think of what I'm sayin'
Remember this one thing...
There is NO SEX in the champagne room


(Ohh...no sex in the champagne room (x6)
There's absolutely, positively no sex in the champagne room
no..no...)


If a homeless person has a funny sign
He hasn't been homeless that long
A REAL homeless person is too HUNGRY to be funny


If a girl has a pierced tongue,
She'll probably suck your DICK
If a guy has a pierced tongue,
He'll probably suck your DICK


Here's a HORRORscope for everyone:
Aquarius - YOU'RE GONNA DIE
Capricorn - YOU'RE GONNA DIE
Gemini - YOU'RE GONNA DIE TWICE!
Leo - YOU'RE GONNA DIE
Scorpio - YOU'RE GONNA DIE FUCKIN'!


No one goes to Hooters for wings


If you've been dating a man for 4 months
And you haven't met any of his friends...
You are NOT his girlfriend!


Some of the things I said may not apply to you
Some of the things I said may offend you
But no matter who you are,
You MUST REMEMBER this ONE thing:
No matter what a stripper says...
there is NO SEX in the champagne room
NONE!


(No sex in the champagne room
I said no sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No no sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
Ain't gettin' none, can't have none..noo...
In the champagne room......ahh ahh.....
There's absolutely positively no sex in the champagne room
Say noo..noo... say nooooo..... there ain't no sex....
In the champagne room
noo..no....)