Chris Rock: No Sex

(feat. Gerald Levert)

[Chris Rock]
Ladies and gentlemen.. of the G.E.D. class of 1999
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a stripper tells you
There's no sex in the Champagne Room.. NONE!
Oh there's CHAMPAGNE in the Champagne Room
But you don't want champagne.. you want sex
And there's NO sex.. in the Champagne Room

Don't go to parties with metal detectors
Sure it feels safe inside; but what about
all those niggaz waitin outside with guns?
They know you ain't got one..
If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16.. she's 12
If she tells you she's 26, and LOOKS 26.. she's damn near 40
Take off that silly-ass hat
The O.D.B. couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes
Coolio did some of that shit
Young black men -- if you go to a movie theater
and someone steps on your foot, let it SLIIIDE
Why spend the next twenty years in jail
cause someone smudged your Puma?
Cornbread -- ain't nuttin wrong with that
No matter what you think of what I'm sayin
Remember this one thing: there is no sex, in the Champagne Room

[Gerald Levert]
Ooooohh...
No sex in the Champagne Room [x6]
Absolutely, positively, no sex in the Champagnnnne, Room
No.. no-ohhhhh...

[Chris Rock]
If a homeless person.. has a funny sign..
he hasn't been homeless that long
A +REAL+ homeless person, is too hungry, to be funny
If a girl has a pierced tongue - she'll probably suck your dick
[Levert:] That'd be great..
If a guy has a pierced tongue - he'll probably suck your dick
[Levert:] I don't want that, no..
Here's a horoscope for everyone:
[Aquarius:] You're gonna die
[Capricorn:] You're gonna die
[Gemini:] You're gonna die TWICE
Leo: You're gonna die
[Scorpio:] You're gonna die fuckin
[Levert:] Ohh yeah..
No one goes to Hooters for wings
[Levert:] No no no..
If you've been dating a man for four months
and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend!
Some of the things I've said may not apply to you
Some of the things I've said may offend you
But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing
No matter what a stripper says
There's no sex in the Champagne Room
NONE

[Gerald Levert]
No sex in the Champagne Room
Said no sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
No no sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
Can't get none, uhh
Can't have none, nah
in the Champagne Room
Said there's absolutely, positively
no sex in the Champagne Room
Said no.. no..
Said no-ohhhh..
Said Chris said..
There ain't no sex
in the Champagne Room.. no.. no.. no..
Can't get none, ahh
Can't have none..

[fades]