Frankie Castle: A Peculiar Game Gear Account

SEGA does what Nintendon't
SEGA does what Nintendon't

I was rollin' 'round town with the windows down
In my 94 Corsica, my mind phantasmagoria
Behind a Ford Explor-ia with two kids in the back seat
Goin' pretty slow and yeh the Rook has got two led feet
I gotta beat the traffic so I pass 'em in the suicide
It's aptly named 'cuz that's when I collide into a truck and die
Then God asks "Why son? What happened? What brought you here?"
"My eyes were captivated on the two kids playing Game Gear"

Ya'll cheer! SEGA invented the Game Gear
It's hear and clear that competition should fear
The screen is backlit with over 4,000 colors
It's time for Game Boys to run home to their Game Mothers
Ya'll cheer! SEGA invented the Game Gear
It's hear and clear that competition should fear
It runs for 5 hours on 6 AAs
It kicks the crap out of Game Boy's four shades of gray

God could empathize that you can't look away
"It's too hard to take your eyes off the color display
Plus I like the button placement" then He thought about his statement
And said "You are my most wondrous creation
Screw my plan of salvation it's all about this little portable"
"It ain't that little man, carting it around is horrible"
"It gots a lotta colors and TV Tuner too"
"So can I go home? 'Cuz I got a lot to do."

So he sent me back to Earth where I woke up in a Hearse
I was on my way to the cemetery from the church
I'm not dead Mr. Chauffeur could you possibly pull over
I don't wanna push up clovers like I'm some kinda gopher
That's when the driver shrieked and hopped outta the vehical
So I broke the privacy glass and grabbed the steering wheel
Stopped at the graveyard, got outta teh car
Before my mom fainted she yelled "I musta prayed hard"
Nah, not really see God's pretty cool ya'll
Nice white guy with a wife like a Laguna doll
That's when I noticed none of my cousins were shedding tears at all
Every kid in suits playin' Game Gear at my funeral

Ya'll cheer! SEGA invented the Game Gear
It's hear and clear that competition should fear
Listen it's really a protable Master System
With the buttons on the side in the landscape position
Ya'll cheer! SEGA invented the Game Gear
It's hear and clear that competition should fear
With 64 sprites and stereo through the headphones
Anyone who likes the Game Boy is fully dead wrong

Whatever man, at least I'm back life and I'm going home
Pop in Bobby's Mack the Knife because Frankie's back in town
Then the cop's run the siren becuase Bobby's way too loud
"Pull the Hearse over, and turn that Bobby Darrin down!"
So I pull over the car and park like Jurassic
I roll down the window because I know their tactics
Apparently this cop has no respect for the classics
Relaxin' in my seat with my DS playin' Pac-Pix
"License and registration sir, and let's be quick about it"
So I set my DS on the dash and open the compartment
"When it comes to handhelds it's the DS you prefer?
I thought someone like you Mr. Castle'd be more mature
And much less obscure in your choice of a console
The stylus is a joke, you need to have control"
"Oh yeh," I lamented, "Let me guess what you would volunteer"
So he reached deep in his pants and pulled out his Gear
"This is what you need, it's sturdy and reliable"
"All this innuendo is really unjustifiable"
"But it's big and it's black and it fits in your hand"
"What part of my last lyric did you not understand"

(x4)
Three point two inch screens with buttons on the side
They're buttons on the side?
Yeh they buttons on the side

Ya'll cheer! SEGA invented the Game Gear
It's hear and clear that competition should fear
It's made of solid gold and grants three wishes
It'll make all girls that you know become your bitches
Ya'll cheer! SEGA invented the Game Gear
It's hear and clear that competition should fear
It's like hitting yourself in the head with squirrel
And all these swirling colors are gonna make me hurl

...

Castle volunteered to wax about the Game Gear
Do you revere the premier color handheld system? Same here
It should be clear why the competition all but disappeared
Like Mickey Mouse ears from that Mouskateer Spears
The Game Boy's a lame toy it doesn't bring the same joy
It's like the famed Freud versus Betazoid dame Troy
Or Dr. Dre vs. McCoy it doesn't stand a chance
The Game Gear's even better than the Game Boy Advance
Or the DS and the PSP combined with NEO-GEO
Just throw 'em in the garbage 'cuz the Game Gear's the real deal
It don't fit inside my backpack, let alone my pocket
My batteries are outta power let me find a socket
So I can plug it in and let the fun times begin
Game Gears the Holy Grail and the Game Boy's a sin
SEGA wins when it comes to the handheld market
Bow down Myamoto to the Grand Moff Tarkin