Landau James E.F: America (E Pluribus Unum Version)

(America, (C) 1957, Leonard Bernstein/Stephen Sondheim, West Side
Story
CHENG
South Korea, my heart's obsession,
Call me at your own discretion.
SARAH
Always the pot growers dealing;
Always the starving people stealing!
And the gun-concealing;
And the coca-raising;
And the fires blazing;
CHENG
I know the grass there is greener!
SARAH
Smoke on your pipes . . .
CHENG
Emphysema!
SARAH
I like to go in America!
Nice place to grow in America!
Fine status quo in America!
CHENG
Fair share of woe in America!
HAKEEM
Beautiful, upscale neighborhood!
TRINA
People too rich for their own good!
SARAH
I get my own cul-de-sac house.
CHENG
Plus yuppie values to espouse!
(Starting at this point, various students and faculty members call
out each line.)
Golden-arch M in America!
Fat to condemn in America!
Fries -- ya tried them in America?
Food makes me phlegm in America!
Lots of new products on the shelf!
Lots of junk you're feeding yourself!
All the hamburgers you can eat!
CHENG
Note that I'm Buddhist, so no meat!
VARIOUS STUDENTS
Pockets will burst in America!
Corporate thirst in America!
Get reimbursed in America!
If you "were first" in America!
Color-blind banks easy to find.
If there's a check that I need signed!
I get my own student's account!
To save your very small amount!
Having a blast in America!
Life goes by fast in America!
Romances last in America!
"Sexually harassed" in America!
Hits from alternative and pop!
Deafening rap songs sound nonstop!
I like the sound of One Headlight!
The Macarena played all night!
Ten-ton warships in America!
Soldiers in crypts in America!
Army conscripts in America!
Apocalypse in America!
Why don't you learn how to work hard?
I'd rather go burn my draft card!
The military is just swell!
If they don't ask and you don't tell!
Life can be cool in America!
Outside high school in America!
Democrat rule in America!
Whom can you fool in America?
Here you learn to do sums and spell.
All they teach you is to rebel!
HAKEEM
Be taking Home Economics!
TRINA
Better throw out the Ebonics!
CHENG
Everywhere smut in America!
Dress like a slut in America!
For you-know-what in America!
CHRISTOPHER
Mostly clean-cut in America!
VARIOUS STUDENTS/FACULTY
Morality in great demand!
Pornography at each newsstand!
Tell by our dress that we're not stiffs!
Take care of those exposed midriffs!
Liberal views in America!
SFLU's in America!
Tel Avenue's in America!
Family values in America!
Voting's a privilege all get!
Only if you've turned eighteen yet!
Here you live by Natural Law.
My radio gets Rush Limbaugh.
Blue are the skies in America!
Biosphere dies in America!
Natural supplies in America!
Ozone demise in America!
Houses and factories built well.
Some parts of town here, though, still smell.
Five hundred natural parks here.
Five hundred species dead each yea.
Love can be great in America!
If you can wait in America!
Love is first-rate in America!
If you're all straight in America!
Romantic midnight dates for you.
P'rhaps if you dodge city curfew!
What if he asks and she says yes?
Soon she's in maternity dress!
CHENG
Everything sucks in America!
Congress wastes bucks in America!
They all are schmucks in America!
ANDREO
Culture's in flux in America!
CHENG
I think I'll go back to old Seoul.
CHRISTOPHER
Who wants to live in that hellhole?
NOBURU
Everyone there will give glad shout!
ALL
Yay!
SARAH
Everyone there will have died out!