Richard Thompson: Psycho street

A man sits down to write a letter, but instead he writes a book The book begins - Dear Sir, I don't if you're interested but you're wife is a whore A man gets on a train and proceeds to take all his clothes off He begins to play with himself, and he says "In my country, this is definitely not offensive" A man pours petrol through his neighbour's letterbox And throws in a match The house is engulfed in flames As the neighbours jump from the upstairs window He films the whole thing on video He plays it back to them later in hospital "Things have been pretty dull at home without you" he says A man pushes a lawn mower two hundred miles on his knees To the tomb of the unknown gardener "Great one" he cries "I've done my penance. I bring my offering. Grant me, grant me, grant me, pest-free roses" Psycho Street, friendly people down on Psycho Street Good neighbours down on Psycho Street And if you need a hand, need a friend, we understand And if you need a pal, we'll be there, anyhow Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street A man stakes his neighbour's cat to the barbecue and turns on the gas "Now are you going to talk" he says "Or am I going to have to get nasty?" A man has an inflatable doll made That looks exactly like his wife He murders his wife, dissolves her body in acid And marries the doll Three years later, he leaves her for another doll A man hands his son a brick and says "Son, throw this brick through the greenhouse next door" The boy does The boy next door throws one back It hits the man on the head and mortally wounds him "Ah well" he says, as his life blood trickles away "Boys will be boys" A thoughtful woman sends her best friend a parcel Inside, it says, is a free sample, full body beauty treatment But really it contains acids and chemicals When her friend tries it, her hair falls out, Her face is wrinkled and her body scarred The thoughtful woman turns to her husband and winks And says "Pre-emptive strike" Psycho Street, friendly people down on Psycho Street Good neighbours down on Psycho Street If you need a hand, need a friend, we understand And if you need a pal, we'll be there, anyhow Oh Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street