The Beautiful South: Liars bar

Well sitting in a bar alone where no-one knows your name is like laying in a graveyard wide awake You're scared that if you cough or yawn you might wake up the dead So pretend to read a paper or just drink instead I'm a stand-up comedian but I'd sit down if I could The world just seems to want folk like me to stand And the punch-lines seem to disappear like clouds across the sky And the laughter could be real or could be canned Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liar's Bar Well living with a lying man could never really hurt But living with a drunk well no-one deserves And you're looking for your husband you're not sure he's still alive Don't bother with the cemetery he'll be down at liar's dive I'm a travelling businessman I just stopped in for one drink You'll find that I'm not like the other men Their noses are red whilst mine is only pink And they didn't choose their drink their drink chose them Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liar's Bar And the grave-digger's smiling at his reflection in his spade He's visiting the seediest the shallowest of graves The vocal chords of elephants and the characters of mice They're singing "whisky, whisky" so good they named it twice Well don't pass buildings with lights on if I said that I did I'd have lied 'Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant may have Chinese New Year inside And son all my life I've been searching the bars I've been in I forget The lights outside ever brighter but a light on the inside not yet Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liar's Bar And he's a world-wide traveller he's not like me or you But he comes in mighty regular for one who's passing through That one came in his work clothes he's missed his last bus home He's missed a hell of a lot of buses for a man who wants to roam If I look rough I am rough If I look sad I am If I look broke I am broke Just a broke down piece of man I've turned over enough leaves to fill an autumn and if I had one final wish I'd be your slave for a decade if you could take me away from this If you took me away from this I'd be different you'd see 'Cause I didn't choose the drink a drink just chose me Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liar's Bar Well I'm smoking like a chimney And I'm drinking like a fish At Liar's Bar