Bo Burnham: High School Party Girl

high school party, senior year
boys and girls are all sippin' on beer
i like soda, where's the soda? am i the only fucking person here that likes soda?

i see her from across the crowd
except the party is bumpin' and the music is loud
you're really drunk and you're lookin' sad ... it's like a date rape ad

girl, then we start to dance and
girl, baby this is romance
girl, i'm startin' to grow down below
shit, why did i wear sweat pants?

girl, you're body's like what conjunction junction
that's a fine ass butt (but)
i'm like a cashew in a lolly pop
just keep suckin' till you get to the nut

and i said let's rob and Asian kitchen
or stroll down the block
either way girl, we're takin' a wok (nothin'?)
you're gonna love me the way my uncle did
except you're not gonna go to court for doin' it
be a guillotine or my girl instead
either way you're givin' me head

I'm gonna love you, baby the right way
shorty with a body lookin' hottie when i say girl
when i say girl

we go into the bedroom
exchanging nervous laughter
why's it called dry humping, if i always need a towel after?
you spread your naked legs and i see that wound that never healed
even though you're yellin' for me, i can tell your lips are sealed
we're both aware of my erection, you ask if i have protection
I say:
"well no, i tried to buy them once
i was in the convenience store
my old babysitter walked in
i had to hide them by the tic-tac's
i was so embarrassed
i peed myself a little bit"

girl, girl

insert a euphemism
a sexy mental prism
increase my pelvic rhythm
fill you with my syllogism
I know your body and i know how to please you
don't thank me, thank Wikipedia

guys don't go down, well i am
what the fuck is that? i should have brought my diagram
ooh ... did you feel that? that was an educated guess
ooh ... did you feel that? uh, that one was a sneeze, that was my bad

high school party, senior year
none of that happened 'cause i wasn't invited