Dane Cook: Abducted

I've always wanted to be abducted by a UFO.
Yeah sometimes, I just go hang out in the woods.
Im just waiting for that blue light (UFO noise) AHHHHHH.
Thats how they suck you up, by a beam of light.
They suck you up by your chest. and thats not nessecary,
through a rope ladder down, I'll climb up.
I'm interested, I'm here for you.
Don't suck me up by my chest, that hurts.
ou're a hovering craft,
why wouldnt I come in and poke around for a minute.

It would be great to be abducted, what did you guys do this weekend?
Dude we got hammered, it was awesome.
Oh yeah, I was abducted. I was zippin around the galaxy. haha.

Sometimes if I think about, if UFO's come down,
I get a little concerned because then I thought this scenario,
this would be the altimate, full circle, slap in the face of the united states.
What if this happens, because look, we're the greatest country on earth,
but we get a little cocky from time to time...
if we don't like the way your country is doin its business,
we'll kick the door in, (door noise)

Hey, hey, knock it off, you're buggin the world, cut it out.
And if you don't listen to us, well through all kinds of weapons
and crazy shit at 'cha...
which we always apologize about using 20 or 30 years later,
listen we're really sorry about that, we were a little drunk at the time,
and we got a little rambunchous. the bomb,
we didnt know it was gonna do that.
we thought it was a contained blast and we didnt know
it would make everything blow into smitherines...
and you were being kinda a bitch, country, country,
you were being kinda a bitch.
Are we cool now? Do you mind if we leave 3/4 thousand toops and
maybe some supplies here,
you dont mind that do ya? DO YA MIND???
You wouldnt want us to get drunk again would ya!?
High five us, photo op, (CHING)

We get a little ha, we get a little cocky, what if this happens, oh my god,
what if this happens.
what if the mother ship, (booooooom) comes over middle america,
and we're all sitting watching tv,
all the news crews are focus'd in and were sitting there watching,
what if when the hatches finally open (chaaaaa)
outta the UFO's come thousands of 100 foot native american indians?!

We're gonna be watching like.. FUCK those are huge indians.
Please tell me there not giant indians, god damnit there huge indians,
alright good game america, we had some fun huh?

Hi giant indians, we did some shit...and...uhhhh....ah aha ha.
.....could you show us how to make giant corn!!??