Tim Minchin: If This Plane Goes Down

Could I be more of a cliché?
Thirty thousand feet above Nebraska
Scratching lyrics on a napkin
Praying that this turbulence will spare my wine

The plane is almost empty
But for three hundred and twenty other humans
All staking their existence on a couple of dozen rivets
Straining between fuselage and wing
A fact we're only coping with by drinking

If this plane goes down
I hope that I'm one of the cool ones
Will I have the nerve to play the clown
If this plane goes down?

If this plane goes down
Remember me as someone who tried
To find a balance between self-loathing and pride
Dug too hard for love at times

So if it ends in flames and fuel
Please tell my kids I kept my cool
If my time is up and this plane goes down

If this plane goes down
As we hit the ground, I wanna be smiling
Happily Hades-bound
If this plane goes down

If this plane goes down
Remember me as someone who cared
Often, but not always, about his hair
Self-righteous when shit wasn't fair

So if it ends in fire and glass
Please tell my kids I went down classy
If my time is up and this plane goes down

I've no regrets as such
It's just a shame, I've so much still to do
If my youth was wasted on me, I don't mind
'Cause I wasted it with you, my love
And from up above this planet looking down
The world reduced to greens and browns
Toy trains in paper mache towns
And just for now the trials of humankind
Dissolved by altitude and wine
I really think that I'd be fine
If my time is up and this plane goes down

If this plane goes down
I hope that I can get people laughing
Will I have the balls to tool around
If this plane goes down?

If this plane goes down
Remember me as someone who went down with
Fair results, but grand intent
Found meaning in how phrases can be bent
To the will; where will my remains be sent
To be eventually dentally identified?

So if this flight should end in tears
Please tell my kids I felt no fear
And tell them that the smoke will clear
And tell them I didn't spill a drop of beer
If my time is up and this plane goes down
If my time is up and this plane goes down