Tom Waits: Step Right Up

Step right up
Step right up
Step right up
everyone's a winner
bargains galore
that's right you too can be the proud owner of
the quality goes in before the name goes on

one tenth of a dollar
one tenth of a dollar
we got service after the sale

how 'bout perfume
we got perfume
how 'bout an engagement ring

somethin for the little lady
somethin for the little lady
somethin for the little lady

3 for a dollar

We got a year end clearance
we got our white sale on a smoke damaged furniture
you can drive it away today.

act now
act now

and receive as our gift
our gift to you
they come in all colors
one size fits all

no muss, no fuss, no spills
you tired of kitchen drudgery
everything must go

goin outta biz
goin outta biz
goin outta bizness sale

50% off original retail price
skip the middle man

dont settle for less
how do we do it
how do we do it
volume! volume!
turn up the volume!

you've heard it advertised

don't hesitate

don't be caught with your drawers down
don't be caught with your drawers down

you just step right up
step right up

that's right it fillets
it chops, it dices, it slices
it never stops
lasts a lifetime, it mows your lawn

and it mows your lawn
it picks up the kids from school
it gets rid of unwanted facial hair
it gets rid of embarassing age spots
it delivers the pizza

and it lengthens
and it strengthens
and it finds that slipper that's be enlodged under the
chaise lounge for several weeks

and it plays a mean rhythm master
it makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
and it's only a dollar
step right up
it's only a dollar
step right up

'cause it forges your signature
if not completely satisfied
mail back unused portion of product for a complete refund of price of purchase

step right up

please allow thirty days for delivery
don't be fooled by cheap imitations

you can
live in it

live in it
laugh in it
love in it
swim in it
sleep in it
live in it
swim in it
laugh in it
love in it

and it removes embarassing stains from contour sheets
that's right

and it entertains visiting relatives
it turns a sandwich into a banquet

tired of being the life of the party
change your shorts
change your life

change your life
change into a 9 year old hindu boy
get rid of your wife

and it walks your dog
and it doubles on sax
doubles on sax
you can jump back jack
see ya later alligator
see ya later alligator
and it steals your car

it gets rid of your gambling debts
it quits smoking
it's a friend, it's a companion
it's the only product you will ever need

follow these easy assembly instructions
it never needs ironing

well it takes weights off hips
bust
thighs
chin
midriff
gives you dandruff

and it finds you a job
it is a job

and it strips the phone company
of free tapes and your while exchange

and it gives you denture breath
and you know it's a friend
and it's a companion

and it gets rid of your travellers checks
it's new, it's improved, it's old fashioned

well it takes care of business
never needs winding
never needs winding
never needs winding

gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, and psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak buddy
c'mon, c'mon.
c'mon, c'mon.

cause it's effective
it's defective

it creates household odors
it disinfects
it's sanitized for your protection
it gives you an erection
it wins the election

why put up with painful corns any longer
it's a redeemable coupon
no obligation
no salesman will visit your home

we got a jackpot
jackpot
jackpot
prizes! Prizes! Prizes!
All work guaranteed

how do we do it?
how do we do it?
how do we do it?
how do we do it?
we need your bidness

We're going out of business
we'll give you the business
get on the business end of our
going out of business sale

Receive our free brochure
free brochure

read the easy to follow assembly instructions
batteries not included

send before midnight tomorrow
terms available
step right up
step right up
step right up

you got it buddy
the large print giveth
and the small print taketh away

step right up
you can step right up
cause you can step right up
c'mon step right up

get away from me kid, ya bother me

step right up
step right up
step right up

c'mon c'mon c'mon
c'mon c'mon
step right up
you can step right up
c'mon and step right up
c'mon step right up