Coldplay: The Nappies

Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you frown
With your hormones bouncin' up and down.
Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're sad -
It's a weird nine months that you have had.

There's shit goin' down that you can't disguise
When your boobs've gone up ten times the size.
Your cup's gone up from an A to D,
That's bad for you but fun for me.

Now just 'cause a little bit of rumpy pump
Now you're walkin' 'round with a great big bump.
You might have thought as we're French you woulda said: "Non!"
(Or at least you woulda made me stick a condom on.)

I think you might find that it's really fun.
An oven's no use unless you make a bun.
It's something to learn, it really is -
Now you know what that sticky stuff is.

I'll be there with you, baby, through the thin and thick -
I'm gonna clean up all the poo and sick.
I'll be there to make you happy and keep everything clean.
I'll change the nappy for the washing machine!

I ain't no baddie, I ain't no baddie,
I ain't no baddie, I am your baby's daddy.

Oooh!

Whoooh!

Sometimes you think: What a fool I am!
But why did I marry this awful man?
Now a baby's part of mah family plan.
But can it kick me? Yes, it can.

My name's Ken, and I've got three.
Do I like being a daddy? Yeah, definitely.
But I have to warn you, it's not all fun -
There'll be times that you wished you'd been a nun.

I'll be there for you, baby,
through the thin and thick -
I'm gonna clean up all the poo and sick.

I'll be there to make you happy,
And I'll bring in the bread,
I'll be the nanny, you can go out instead.

I know that you'll be grumpy, that's what everyone says,
And you're not gonna to hump me for 42 days.
If you don't want more babies and you cannot disguise it,
I'll take my **** and vasectomize it.

I ain't no baddie, I ain't no baddie,
I ain't no baddie, sometimes I make you sad-die.

I ain't no baddie, I ain't no baddie,
I ain't no baddie, I am your baby's daddy.

Mother! Mother!