Imperative Reaction - Fault

I am dying inside and there is nothing I can do
But what does it matter when there's nothing left to lose
I'm still falling apart like I've always done before
The pain is almost numbing and I'll always beg for more
Tried so hard to make believe I was something more
Tried so many times to start from where I stopped
But that time has vanished and left me alone to dwell

On all the damage I never left behind
All the things I've ruined and pushed aside
All the times I've lost and will never have again
All the things I'm not but could have been

I am drowning in the past and there is no one to save me
I tried so hard to make it work but the world went on without me
Now I stare through the window like a soul without a home
I loathe the way I feel and i hate what I've become
Tried so hard to make believe I was something more
Tried so many times to start from where I stopped
But that time has vanished and left me alone to dwell

On all the damage I never left behind
All the things I've ruined and pushed aside
All the times I've lost and will never have again
All the things I'm not but could have been
Through all the pain I never meant to cause
All the lives I've destroyed and crushed
All the time I have lost and will never live again