Neulander: If You Could

if you could see him you'd understand why I
reached out my arm and stuck it straight into the fire,
the heat of the moment, all a-burn with desire,
hypnotized by the flame, transfigured by the light

if you could see him, you'd see him in the magazine
caught between what was and what might have been
on a cheap assignment, waiting to be seen,
caught up in the hot flame chasing someone else's dream

if you could see him you'd understand why I
let him leave a mark on me and never once did try
just let the phone ring another thousand times and
when at last he answered it I never said goodbye.

if you could see him you'd understand how
something as simple as a smile can bring you down and
open up desire til I worship the ground,
just another semi-precious jewel in his crown

one to the parade of girls he liked hanging around
if you could see him, you'd already be drawn
if you could see him, you might see yourself there
among the baubles that crawled up on his shelf and
kicked the God Almighty from the land of sad lost dreams,
send you riding back to hell, set off walking on your knees

if you could see him, you'd understand
why I fell so hard I broke
like a hammer breaks in the steelyard
seeing all the goosebumps rising up into the air
see yourself as just another victim
caught up in the great nowhere

if you could see him, you'd know why I cared,
ran out of the house into the cold night air
all burning with desire that had turned to despair
tortured by the way I showed him just how much I cared

if you could see him, you'd know he was the one who
spent all of your insecurities and wore all your systems down
filled your head with promises, had you running 'round
in a world of insecurities which had long since ceased being any fun
and this great wide world no, never will you find,
you'd already be gone.