Rent: Tango: Maureen

[MARK]
And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is
partially set up.
[JOANNE]
[playing with some wires]
"Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this?
[MARK]
Close on Mark's nose dive.
[JOANNE]
"Line out"...
[MARK]
Will he get out of here alive...?
[JOANNE notices MARK approaching.]
[JOANNE]
Mark?
[MARK]
Hi.
[JOANNE]
I told her not to call you
[MARK]
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here
[JOANNE]
I hired an engineer ...
[MARK]
Great!
Well, nice to have met you
[JOANNE]
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable --
[MARK]
There's another way
Say something -- anything
[JOANNE (into the mike)]
Test -- one, two three --
[MARK]
Anything but that
[JOANNE]
This is weird
[MARK]
It's weird
[JOANNE]
Very weird
[MARK]
Fuckin' weird
[JOANNE]
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
[MARK]
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
[JOANNE]
As a matter of fact --
[MARK]
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
[JOANNE]
You're wrong
[MARK]
Your heart she is mangling
[JOANNE]
It's different with me
[MARK]
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
[JOANNE]
I think I know what you mean
[BOTH]
The Tango Maureen
[MARK]
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'
[JOANNE]
Never
[MARK]
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
[JOANNE]
This is spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
[MARK]
Every time -- so be cautious
[JOANNE]
Did she moon over other boys --?
[MARK]
More than moon --
[JOANNE]
I'm getting nauseous
[They begin to dance, with MARK leading.]
[MARK]
Where'd you learn to tango?
[JOANNE]
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm
room at Miss Porter's. And you?
[MARK]
With Nanette Himmelfarb. The Rabbi's daughter at the
Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.
[They switch, and JOANNE leads.]
It's hard to do this backwards.
[JOANNE]
You should try it in heels!
She cheated
[MARK]
She cheated
[JOANNE]
Maureen cheated
[MARK]
Fuckin' cheated
[JOANNE]
I'm defeated
I should give up right now
[MARK]
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might
[JOANNE]
I'd fall for her still anyhow
[BOTH]
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Make you fall
[MARK]
So you think, 'Might as well'
[JOANNE]
"Dance a tango to hell"
[BOTH]
'At least I'll have tangoed at all'
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end -- you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue
[MARK]
Why do we love when she's mean?
[JOANNE]
And she can be so obscene
[MARK]
Try the mike
[JOANNE]
My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een...)
[MARK]
Patched
[JOANNE]
Thanks
[MARK]
You know -- I feel great now!
[JOANNE]
I feel lousy
[The pay phone rings. MARK hands it to JOANNE.]
Honey, we're... [pause] Pookie?!
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched.
[She hangs up, looks at MARK.]
[BOTH]
The Tango Maureen!