Tim Minchin: Inflatable You

Your love for me is not debatable
Your sexual appetite's insatiable
You never ever make me wait-able
Delectable, inflatable you

You don't have problems with your weight at all
You never steal food off my plate at all
I never have to masturbate at all
Unstoppable, inflatable you

You never seem to menstruate at all
So you're not angry when I'm late at all
I feel permanently felatable
Unpoppable, inflatable you

With you in my arms I feel we could just float away
With the right kind of gas, I might even try it some day
In this ocean of life I'm never afraid I might drown
We could just float forever, whatever the weather
Whenever my inflatable lover's around

Your thighs and buttocks are so holdable
You always do just what you're told-able
And if we argue, you're just foldable
Controllable, consolable you

My mates all reckon you are suitable
I took you 'round to watch the football
And Steve and Gary said you're rootable
Refutable, commutable you

You're never sensitive or tickly
When I rub you, my skin goes prickly
It's known as static electricity
Felicity, when I'm kissing you

Your skin is so smooth - I couldn't afford you with hair
You have all the holes real girls have got, plus one for the air
Your problems are simple, I don't need my Masters in Psych
To know if you get down, I just perk you right up
With a couple of squirts with the pump of my bike

You never wake up when I snore at all
A trait which I find quite adorable
You have a box and you are storable
Ignorable, back-doorable you

Any sexual position's feasible
Although you don't bend at the knees at all
Your hooters are so firm and squeezable
Increasable, uncreasable you

You don't complain about my hairy back
Or 'bout the inches that downstairs I lack
You're not disgusted by my furry crack
Burt Bacharach... Jack Kerouac... ooh

Now, birth control is not an issue
I clean it all off with a...
I bet my jealous friends all wish you
Were insatiably, inflatably theirs

Don't let me down
Don't let me down
Don't let me down
And I won't let you down