Tom Lehrer - N Apostrophe T

''(Scene: Outside the cave of a very grouchy hermit ''(H)''. A very sweet child ''(C)'' coming along)''

(C): Isn't it a lovely day?
(H): No, it isn't!
(C): Could you come outside and play?
(H): No, I couldn't!
(C): Did you ever take a hike?
(H): No, I didn't!
(C): How'd you like to ride my bike?
(H): Frankly, I wouldn't!

(C): Isn't, couldn't, didn't, wouldn't.
Is that all you can say?
(H): Isn't, couldn't, didn't, wouldn't - Yes, now go away.
The sweetest sound to me.
It stands for not,
I like it a lot.
It's spelled n-apostrophe-t.

(C): Have you ever tried to smile?
(H): No, I haven't!
(C): Won't you try it for a while?
(H): No, I won't!
(C): Are there games to play in there?
(H): No, there aren't!
(C): Then why d'you like to stay in there?
(H): Frankly, I don't!

(C): Haven't, won't, aren't, don't.
Is that all you can say?
(H): Haven't, won't, aren't, don't - And I said, Go away.
Grouches all agree.
We get a glow
From saying no
With n-apostrophe-t.

(C): Do you talk to anyone?
(H): ''(wistfully)'' No, I don't!
(C): Come on out and have some fun.
(H): ''(hesitantly)'' No, I couldn't!
(C): Can't you even tell me why?
(H): ''(apologetically)'' No, I can't!
(C): Will it kill you just to try?
(H): ''(wanting to) ''Well, I shouldn't

(C): Don't, couldn't, can't, shouldn't.
Now, try it once ''my'' way.
(C): Do?
(H): Do
(C): Could?
(H): Could
(C): Can?
(H): Can
(C): Should.
(H): Should! Hey, that feels okay!

(C): So come along with me...
(H): I'll give it a try.
And say goodbye
To n-apostrophe,
(C): N-apostrophe,
(C,H):N-apostrophe-t!