John Kander: Cell Block Tango

BACKGROUND: [GIRLS] (x 4)
Pop, Six, Squish, Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz

[BANDLEADER (over second repetition)]
And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[VELMA]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[GIRLS - BACKGROUND x 2]

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
So I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and
looking for a little bit of sympathy
and there's Bernie lyin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin',
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "Bernie, you pop that
gum one more time..."
And he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
Into his head.

CHORUS: [GIRLS]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

[ANNIE (Spoken over CHORUS)]
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake City about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home,
I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.
And then I found out:
"Single" he told me. Single, my ass.
Not only was he married...
Oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know.
So that night when he came home from work,
I fixed him his drink, as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.

[LIZ, ANNIE, JUNE, MONA over BACKGROUND]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

[JUNE (Spoken) OVER BACKGROUND]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carving up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business.
In storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman," he says.
He was crazy and he kept on screamin',
"You been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!

[ALL]
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[THE HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok,
hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

[ROXIE (Spoken)]
Yeah, but did you do it?

[HUNYAK]
UH UH, not guilty!

[VELMA (over CHORUS)]
My sister, Veronica and I had this double act,
and my husband, Charlie, travelled round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row.
one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles,
back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we're down at the Hotel Cicero,
the three of us, boozin', havin a few laughs and we ran out of ice.
So I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen -- the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

[VELMA]
They had it coming

[GIRLS]
They had it coming

[VELMA]
They had it coming

[GIRLS]
They had it coming

[VELMA]
They had it coming

[GIRLS]
They took a flower

[VELMA]
All along

[GIRLS]
In its prime

[VELMA]
I didn't do it

[GIRLS]
And then they used it

[VELMA]
But if I'd done it

[GIRLS]
And they abused it

[VELMA]
How could you tell me

[GIRLS]
It was a murder

[VELMA]
That I was wrong?

[GIRLS]
But not a crime!

[MONA]
I loved Alvin Lipschitz more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter.
But he was troubled.
He was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself and on the way
he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
up because or artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.

[ALL]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[LIZ, ANNIE, MONA]
They had it comin'

[VELMA, JUNE, THE HUNYAK]
They had it comin'

[LIZ, ANNIE, MONA]
They had it comin'

[VELMA, JUNE, THE HUNYAK]
They had it comin'

[LIZ, ANNIE, MONA]
They had it comin'

[VELMA, JUNE, THE HUNYAK]
They had it comin'

[LIZ, ANNIE, MONA]
All along

[VELMA, JUNE, THE HUNYAK]
All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us And they abused us
And they abused us

[LIZ, ANNIE, MONA]
How could you tell us

[VELMA, JUNE, THE HUNYAK]
How could you tell us That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself
To blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would have done the same!

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You pop that gum one more time!

[ANNIE (spoken)]
Single my ass.

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Ten times!

[THE HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe.

[VELMA (Spoken)]
Number seventeen -- the spread-eagle.

[MONA (Spoken)]
Artistic differences.

[LIZ]
Pop

[ANNIE]
Six

[JUNE]
Squish

[THE HUNYAK]
Uh uh

[VELMA]
Cicero

[MONA]
Lipschitz