Denis Leary: Marv Marv Marv

Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv. Marv. Marv. Marv, this is God: what the HELL were you thinking? How do you let that thing go to trial, huh? Forget about the back-biting, that's the least of it. How do you go to trial when you know they're going to break out that fifteen year transvestite affair? You heard about that? The affair he had with a transvestite for fifteen years? The transvestite was described as looking like Lawrence Taylor in a wig? Yeah, him and Marv used to hang out at the Royale Hotel and sing show tunes. Marv's in the underwear, that guy's in a dress. Picture that! "Gimme the ball, gimme the ball, gimme the ball!" Oh, my GOD! Wow.

And then the woman who said she went in to fix the fax machine at the hotel. Marv was in underwear and a garter belt, and she still went in. You know, that's pretty much the international sign for "Run away," when you see Marv Albert in the women's underwear, with the garter belt, toupee askew--whoa! She walks right past him, "Is there something wrong with the fax machine? Is that Victoria's Secret? That's very nice... Lawrence Taylor, I'm a huge Giants fan, I love you! There's nothing wrong with this fax machine... hey, leave me alone!" Oh, my God.

And the wildest thing about the whole trial to me, amongst all the weird facts, was that, did you notice that Marv actually gave his toupee a haircut to show up in court? Did you notice that? He trimmed up the toupee! As if that was gonna make him look more innocent. "Yes, yes! If the toupee fits, you must acquit! Yes!" Then they had a dominatrix on Hard Copy, who said for like eleven years Marv has been coming over, and he uses a fake name. You know what the fake name he used was? Steve Albert, his brother! That's how bright Marv is. "Yeah, I'm Steve Albert, yeah." Jesus, Herb Albert would have been better! "I'm Herb Albert, that's my brass sax from Tijuana, guys. That's Lawrence Taylor, just give him the ball, he'll be happy. Don't touch the hair!" Wow.